Tonight at The Restaurant (the hip, hot one downtown where I work) I was helping out with a table of three middle-aged women who were well-coiffed and well-dressed, each with their own brand name handbags, each sucking down ice water like crazy. Throughout the evening I kept coming back to make sure they had enough water and each time they thanked me profusely for the water and made polite chatter with me. I thought nothing of it and chatted back and then went about my night.
Later they told me that they'd come in before and that they remembered me. I thought that was sweet but I didn't really think much of it at the time.
At the end of the night I poured them another glass of water and one of the women stopped me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me closer. "I just want to say that you've been so wonderful tonight and I really appreciate everything you've done for us. You're the best." She pushed a five dollar bill in my palm and folded my fingers around the money.
A minute later when I walked by the table another of the ladies smiled and flagged me down and pressed another wad of bills in my hands. "Really," she said, "you've been just great."
And these ladies weren't just being nice. I mean, of course they were being nice, but I think they were being too nice. I started to wonder if there was a reason they were drinking their water so fast. They knew I'd come back and fill their glasses. So was their exorbitant hydration all a ruse to get me to come back to their table for another look-see?
Oh my God, middle-aged women want to bear my children. I wonder what that's all about.
