Dearest First Lady Robot,
I just wanted to thank you for your insightful comments about heart disease today in your interview with Carl Cameron on Fox News. I, too, think that wearing red this Friday to work will really advance the cause of fighting heart disease in America. I mean, women wearing red dresses and men wearing red ties to work this Friday is probably the most effective tool to really get the message to the American public that they should visit the doctor yearly, try and get daily exercise, and eat a more balanced, less fatty diet in order to take care of their heart.
And what you said about American women is so true. If American women could just start changing their lives then the lives of their families would change, too. Because, you know, all the American women out there are cooking every goddamn meal and doing all the grocery shopping and slaving away, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. (“Honey, you don’t need a new watch for your birthday. There’s a clock right there on the stove.”) You’re a feminist inspiration to us all. I can’t believe NOW didn’t give you the Woman of the Year award. Forget that little hussy Gloria Steinem. What does she know, anyway?
I really wanted to congratulate you on staying on message during your interview. Granted, Carl Cameron was lobbing you softball questions like you were a toddler in the Special Olympics, but you did a great job of parroting your husband’s ideals on voting in Iraq and Social Security like a real pro.
I was surprised at how Southern you sound, though. Your drawl is rather pronounced, isn’t it? Oh, but never mind that. It was kind of distracting, though, when you were talking and your have all those lines coming up from your lips. Is that from your years and years as a smoker? I sure am glad you quit. It’s better for your heart and lungs and stuff.
Breathlessly Waiting to Wear Red on Friday,
Josh H.
