“Hi Tom, this is Josh H. calling you on Tuesday. It’s about eight o’clock—yeah, about eight—and, uh, well, I was just wondering if I could ask you a little favor.
Listen, that girlfriend of yours—I’m sure she’s really nice, even if her IQ does match her bra size, but I just wanted to tell you that there’s this really good guy named Josh K. who lives in Minneapolis who would really like to have dinner with you and, you know, maybe snuggle up with you back at your place in New England.
He really appreciates the snug fit of your football pants and he loves the little black stuff you put under your eyes so you can see through the glare on game days, or whatever and I just—I just think you should give him a chance. You know?
Okay, uh, you can call me back at this number if you want. I’m sure you have Caller ID, so… If the answer is yes and you want to have dinner with Josh K.—I know it’s busy this week with the Superbowl and all—but maybe you could look into the camera during a pre-game or post-game interview and just say, ‘And by the way, Hello to Josh K. in Minneapolis.’
Okay, well, I won’t take any more of your time then. I’ll be watching on Sunday and, well, I’m sure Josh will be, too. We’re rooting for you.”
