Cover Letter Hell

Whoever invented cover letters should be immediately given a Brazilian wax, using duct tape instead of wax, as a punishment. Because, seriously, writing multiple cover letters until 3 a.m. is about as enjoyable as getting a Brazilian with duct tape. Why not share the fun?

In a cover letter you have 200 words to introduce yourself, explain what position you're applying for and why, describe your background and how it's applicable to this specific job, do a little low-key ego stroking, ask for an interview, and then sign off. Cover letters are all one big formula, but that still doesn't mean I like them.

There's something so--I don't know--disconcerting about presenting yourself and applying for a job that you actually care about in a 200-word letter.

Boo on cover letters.

All I'm sayin' is that I better get the #@!$%*& internship. Otherwise I'll track down those human resources fuckers with my roll of decade-old duct tape and give them a surprise they'll not soon forget.