Josh & Josh

Obama's Inauguration is on Tuesday!!!

2009-01-16T18:17:00.000-08:00

President Obama will be sworn in on Tuesday. He will become the 44th President of the United States of America. He will be sworn in using Lincoln's Bible. That is pretty fitting since Lincoln was also an Illinois politician and a leader who had to overcome a lot to hold the nation together. Lincoln ended slavery for Christ's sake. And it's also fitting that the inauguration will be the day after Martin Luther King, Jr Day. His dream was racial equality. It's only fitting that President Obama will be sworn in. He's from Illinois, like the man who ended slavery, and he will be the first African American president in American history. Obama is, in effect, the realization of MLK Jr's dream.

Get Your Tush into the Ikea Style Lab

2005-06-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

You know that Josh and I love Ikea. We spent several hours there this week, with my little sister in tow, ogling all the goodies that Ikea Land has to offer. (We figured out an entirely new set-up scheme for our Manhattan bedrooms, which we are very excited about.)

On the Ikea web site we discovered a fun little tool called the Ikea Style Lab. In it you can design a room that you like, picking beds, wardrobes, curtains, rugs, paintings, and colors go into the room. It's kind of fun. [Click here to try it.]

Here's a room that Josh H. created using the Ikea Style Lab:

Josh K.'s room:

Britney Spears is a Goddamn Virus

2005-06-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

And, this just in! Britney Spears is a virus! And she's not just a virus infecting the ol' music industry or supermarket tabloids. No! CNN reports that Britney is the most often used celebrity name on computer viruses. So if the bitch doesn't get you on the radio or in Star, she's shoo nuff gonna git your computer. Fuck, huh? [Read the article.]

Eat that Pop Star and Wear that Tiara, Biotch.

2005-06-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

Jam Packed Sunday

2005-06-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Josh and I started our Sunday with a lunch on the patio at Noodles & Co. in Uptown near Lake Calhoun. After we chowed down (and ogled the seriously cute Siberian husky puppy nearby) we hit Whole Foods next door in search of fresh fruit to take to the lakes with us. In the mean time, we found the latest homo hangout at Jamba Juice in Whole Foods where a dozen moes were gathered, waiting for fresh smoothies and showing off their triceps.

Josh and I sat on the shores of Lake of the Isles, the swank lakeside community in Minneapolis, and looked out at the gorgeous lake, talked shit about people we knew, and read our fave books, Three Junes and Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell.

Josh and I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith downtown and really, really enjoyed it. It’s a perfect summer blockbuster confection, filled with hot stars, snappy one-liners, action, and intrigue. Is it going to win any Oscars? Not a chance. Will it make you laugh out loud and will you enjoy the cheeky cleverness? If you have a pulse, absolutely. Brad and Angelina have never looked this hot.

Josh and I met up with our friend David, in town for the week from New York, who will be our roommate when we move to NYC in August. The big news is that we got an apartment! We saw pictures of our fantastic Manhattan abode, located between Madison and Second Avenue in the East 80s, while we sipped drinks at Dunn Bros. downtown. We also talked hot sex, which was scandalously good fun.

Our next stop on the Jam Packed Sunday Tour was at Jitters, a fun little bar just north of downtown, where our friend Dan’s gay softball league threw a big fundraiser. We met some of Dan’s friends and palled around before heading to Boom, a popular, more upscale gay bar.

At Boom!, just a couple blocks north of Jitters, Josh and I sipped drinks and sang along to showtunes from Wicked and Avenue Q on Boom’s showtune sing-along night and met (and maybe flirted a little) with a ton of new people. (There are many more pictures available at mighty.typepad.com.)

We left one party to attend another with our friend Michael. When we arrived at his place he said, “Guys, I’m having some hair problems. Can you help me?”

Josh and I looked at each other. I grabbed Michael and a pair of scissors and we had ourselves a good ol’ time. The three of us talked and laughed while I snipped away and Michael compared it to being at Trudy’s Hair Salon in Steel Magnolia’s. I have sort of an accidental ability to cut hair and, actually, it turned out pretty well.

Voilà! Michael’s finished hairdo, product and all. Then the three of us hustled out to a car and sped downtown.

At the Gay 90s we met up with David and a bunch of other friends and watched the La Femme drag show (the bitches worked their bidness hardcore) and we shook our buns on each of the three dance floors at the 90s. In the picture above I was getting wild on the raised platform on the main floor and Joshie K. snapped a picture.

We left the 90s at 2 a.m. and brought Michael home, chatting in the lobby of his place, before parting for the evening. Josh and I went back to his fab apartment just south of downtown, threw open the windows, dimmed the lights, and talked forever on his couch.

I crawled into bed as the first rays of sun crept into my room through the slats in the blinds, dawning on a whole new week and endless possibilities.

A Sister in Need

2005-06-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Please help free Katie from Tom's steady, firm grip and buy a t-shirt. From the looks of it, she needs all the help she can get.

Josh K. Took a Purtee Picture of Josh H.

2005-06-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

Friday Treatz, Vol. 4

2005-06-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

What? What’s that you say? Hayden Christiansen is straight? Oh come on, don’t tell me you believe that rumor.

It’s pictures like the ones above that prove Hayden is queer as a three-dollar bill. Gotta love the Carrie Bradshaw flower.

Still want more proof that Hayden is one fruity mofo? Check out this picture and video of Hayden kissing Ewan McGregor at the airport [via Socialite’s Life].

In this month’s W magazine there is a huge spread of exclusive pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in dozens of different settings, positions, and outfits. In this picture Brad and Angelina are playing mommy and daddy to two little boys in a 1960s suburban chic setting. Way to keep the rumor mill at bay, right guys?

Their movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, opens nationwide today. (Josh and I will see it on Sunday. We know it’s going to be trashy and quite possibly bad, but that doesn’t mean it might not also be a bit of fun.) [Picture via Oh là là Paris]

Giving Up (Or: I Could Not Care Less)

2005-06-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

Remember those times in your college career when nothing (and I mean nothing) could get you to write that boring essay or lengthy paper? I do.

Moving On After John

2005-06-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

I met him while I was giving a condom demonstration during a brief safer sex lesson for a group of college students. (I was a professional sex educator for several years, but that’s another story for another time.)

John stood out right away. I liked the way he smiled at me, I liked the way he smelled, I liked that we had so much in common before we even met. On that first night we met we talked until late into the night, sitting on the floor in the near dark, flirting and bantering as hours swept by.

I was nineteen then. We did the same routine for the next three years, moving closer to each other and then further away again, pushing and testing limits and boundaries. There were outstanding complications that kept us from taking anything to the next level—we had boyfriends at different times and our jobs complicated things—but we kept up our usual repartee for all those years.

I think I fell for him. I may even have fallen in love with him, but it’s hard to tell now what exactly those feelings added up to.

Fast-forward to this summer. All of our complications are gone. We’re free to be who we want to be and do what we want to do.

A couple weeks ago we were at a club downtown, having drinks and dancing the night away, and we got on the dance floor together. Our bodies collided, his hands ran over my body, and I closed my eyes.

He leaned in and said, “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?” I asked.

And then he kissed me, softly. Then again, more insistent, more urgent. Then again. And again.

I kissed back.

I spent the night at his apartment, wrapped up in blankets and his arms (though things stayed innocent).

Then a few days later I got a short, curt e-mail from him. “Uh, I’m going to be really busy this summer,” he said. “I have all these friends who want to see me and work is really crazy and everything so, uhm, I hope you understand and everything.”

I stared at the computer screen. I read the e-mail again. Then I threw my head back and laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

Oh my God, I thought, after all this time? What a cold way to say it, what a cowardly way to do it. I laughed some more. Then I snapped my laptop shut and walked away.

So now I’m moving on from John. It feels good to let go of something that preoccupied my mind and my time for so long. It feels like a breath of freedom, like the promise of something new is just beyond the bend.

Is This Movie Going to Suck?

2005-06-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

Don’t get me wrong. I loved the musical Rent. Well, I loved it at least the first few times it came through town. I bought the Rent soundtrack the day it came out when I was in junior high and faithfully memorized every word with my best friend at the time, Brent. (How gay is that, right?)

Anyway, now ten years later Sony has made Rent into a movie. The trailer for the movie has been floating around the web and I’ve watched it a couple times. Each time I scrutinize the words, the images, the actors, and the music, and damn it if I can’t quite tell if the movie is going to suck or not.

What do you think?

Watch the trailer here and then give me your verdict.

For more on the movie, visit Sony.com/rent.

A Mighty Good Night

2005-06-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

Josh H. (left) and Josh K. (right) at The Restaurant

Josh and I hit the town tonight and went out to dinner with our friend Dan at The Restaurant in downtown Minneapolis. We gorged ourselves on the gourmet food (I double gorged) and talked and laughed over drinks.

Dan, besides being tall, charming, and sweet, is also the mastermind behind the blog Mighty. Check it out.

And, if any of you want to come and play, we’ll all be at Jitters this Sunday between 6 and 9 p.m. for an off the hook benefit for the Minneapolis gay softball league, which just happens to be the third largest gay softball league in the country (with more than 500 players).

It was a mighty good night with finger-lickin’ good food. You can hardly go wrong with that.

Hot Reads for a Cool Summer

2005-06-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

Smart Book: Three Junes by Julia Glass
Never mind the fact that this is Julia Glass’s debut novel and yet it managed to win the National Book Award and become a worldwide bestseller that earned critical acclaim across the board and has accolades written by Michael Cunningham and Richard Russo on the back cover. Screw the hype. Let's talk about the book.

Three Junes bursts at the seam with life. Glass’s writing is crisp, clean, precise, and ultimately very telling. With very few words she says more than many authors do in entire novels. The economy of her writing is astonishing and beautiful. It's like a breath of fresh air.

This is not a snooty, highbrow read that takes a hundred pages to “get into.” This one will have you enthralled in the first dozen pages.

Following the McLeod family from Scotland to Greece to Greenwich Village, Glass brings you in like the closest of friends and shares with you her characters, their people, their homes, their lives. I found myself opening up the book sometimes just so I could go back and spend more time with her characters. There are moments so beautiful and perfect in Three Junes that I actually had to put the book down and stop for a while just to think about what I just read.

To bottom line it: This book is "the shit" and you must read it. If you don’t like it, you should stop reading altogether, because you’re never going to find anything you will like. End of story.

Fun Book: The Trouble Boy by Tom Dolby
On the flip side, Tom Dolby’s Trouble Boy won’t be winning any awards anytime soon, but it’s a fantastic piece of afternoon entertainment. Take this fucker with you on the subway, at the beach, in the car, and to the café for a light, fun, juicy read. (Also, look at the author photo to drool over the considerably doable Tom Dolby. Really.)

Dolby’s novel follows Toby Griffin, a twenty-something writer, as he moves to Manhattan to hopefully land a screenplay deal and a boyfriend in the Big Apple.

Before you start thinking that this is the same old tired trash, let me assure you that it’s a full cut above the rest of the material in its category. The writing isn’t always perfect, but it certainly has bright moments and it’s obviously been edited, unlike some gay books on the market.

For a while the book seemed to be hitting every tired cliché on the block, but Dolby smacked down my expectations when he turned much of it on its head during the course of his fast-paced novel.

To bottom line it: If you’re looking for a good, fun, gay summer read, this is it. Stick it in your messenger bag next to your lip balm and have yourself a gay old time.

What Josh K. Will Be Reading This Summer

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, by British author Susanna Clarke, is, if nothing else, a lesson in tactful old English syntax and manners (Clarke writes in the style so well that, only 20 pages in, I caught myself casually saying things like "I daresay" or "rather odd").

But the book is so much more than a fun foray into a mid-19th century grammar school. It is, at its core, a Harry Potter for adults that follows the incredible journey of two quirky men who try to bring magic back to England and save the motherland from a nasty war. It's amazingly smart, funny, and touching without resorting to the smarmy, saccharine narrative plots that J.K. Rowling writes for Potter.

Bottom line: If you like Harry Potter but want something a little smarter, you'll love Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, which, incidentally, just came out in paperback (so you have no excuse not to buy it).

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Puncuation, written by British grammar guru Lynne Truss, is an instant classic and my new favorite. Josh H. thinks I'm crazy for calling this a good beach read, but I'm sticking to my guns when I say that a) nothing excites me more than a perfectly placed semi-colon, b) nothing angers me more than a misplaced apostrophe, and c) by god, I'd kill to be tanning on the beach while learning punctuation skillZ.

The good thing is that the book is laugh-out-loud hilarious and, between the jokes and anecdotes, Truss still finds the time to teach the reader a painless lesson or two. Read it and you will soon be looking in the newspaper for mistakes Truss (and you, hopefully) would never make. Notice I said newspaper and not Josh & Josh Are Rich and Famous.

Post-LSAT Therapy

2005-06-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

My favorite girl, Miss Vanja (pronounced VAHN-yuh), took the LSAT exam today and we decided to go out for dinner and drinks tonight to celebrate her fabulous achievement. Once upon a time I, too, was planning to go to law school and took the Princeton Review LSAT prep course and all of that (scary as hell) stuff, so she knew I'd understand what a big deal it really was to survive the LSAT and come out alive on the other side.

We hit Uptown with the plan of going to Figlio's, but when we got to Uptown we discovered that the power was out for several blocks and that many of the local businesses had closed early for the night. Thus we got in my car, called The Restaurant, and landed a table at the packed establishment. (Yes, packed even on a Monday at 10 p.m.) We immediately ordered drinks and a bevy of food and laughed the night away.

And, yes, we're wearing the same outfit in male/female versions. That happens to us a lot and it is never, ever planned. It's safe to say that Vanja is the woman that I would be had I been born with a rack (she's got a great one) and the other assorted matching private parts.

Surviving the Suburbs: BackHOE!

2005-06-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

On Sunday afternoon, while Josh H. was at his parents' Sprawling Surburban Estate reading a lofty book in the grass, I was at my dad's Sprawling Suburban Estate practicing my backhoeing skills.

Now, I don't usually like to operate heavy machinery (ahem!) because I'm so accident-prone, but my dad was so proud of his new toy that it would have hurt his feelings if I passed at the opportunity. So I obliged his request that I dig him a hole while he snapped a few photos of me.

Later, I sat in awe as my dad showed me another new toy of his: a spinning brush attachment to his Bobcat that he used to rid the driveway of a pile of mud. Mind you, I was awed not by the capabilites of the Bobcat's new attachment but, instead, because I am now 100% positive that my mom had an affair with the mailman.

Surviving the Suburbs: How to Spend a Sunday Afternoon

2005-06-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I grabbed a novel and a pair of flip-flops and padded out to the backyard. I sprawled out on the plush carpeting of grass on our gently sloping hill and opened my book. A light breath of a breeze rattled the leaves of the nearby oak trees and the sound of a lawn mower buzzed in the distance.

My toes absentmindedly toyed with blades of grass as I read. The sounds of splashing and high-pitched children’s laughter from a distant neighbor’s pool served as a kind of summer white noise. The lawn, baking in the afternoon sun, sent up a hot, sweet, musky scent.

The sun warmed the back of my legs. My toes curled and uncurled. The steady chuck, chuck, chucking of a neighbor digging in her flowerbeds, hands gloved and hair carefully tied back, continued. I turned the pages of my book and read a passage written with such perfection that I had to set the book down and close my eyes. I lifted my head and took a deep breath.

This, I thought, is the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

MJ & K-Mart

2005-06-05T00:15:00.000-07:00

Question: What do Michael Jackson and K-mart have in common?

Answer: They both have boys' pants half off.

Sonogram

2005-06-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

Ms. Britney Spears had her first sonogram yesterday and, insiders report, Britney cried when she first saw her little baby on the sonogram monitor.

Several sources inside the Spears camp leaked the news that Britney's tears upon seeing her baby were actually tears of relief, knowing that the baby had to be hers and Kevin's. She knew the baby was theirs, insiders report, because the baby's legs were behind its head.

Yesterday, I Almost Died

2005-06-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

I knew I was in need of a day off when I called Josh H. with news of my imminent early death.

"Are you serious?" he asked, skeptical of my condition.

"Yes, Josh. I think I have Lyme Disease. And I have this weird swollen lymph node in my left armpit that aches a little bit and that tiny tan bump on my leg isn't going away and, Josh, I'm think I'm dying. I know I am. And I'm having two root canals, Josh. TWO. And I have a headache."

"Josh, you're not dying and you don't have skin or armpit cancer, Lyme Disease, or anything else. How much sleep have you been getting?"

"Not much. And it's Cancer of the Armpit, Josh. That's what they'll call it after I succumb to it," I said, quickly realizing that maybe all I needed was a nap.

But, seriously: two root canals? Who's great idea was that?

Gettin' Sporty With My Sistah

2005-06-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight my nine-year-old sister asked me if I'd play basketball with her. (Okay, so technically she's my step-sister, but we're close, so usually I just drop the "step" business.) I had brief flashbacks of junior high physical education classes but, after we grabbed two basketballs and hit the court in our driveway and just started playing, we managed to have a pretty good time. Check out how my little sister is really committing to that shot. She's hardcore. And, hey, I even made my shot in the picture above.

And don't you love that I'm playing basketball in a khakis and flip-flops? Just keepin' it real, y'all. Just keepin' it real.

Tom & Katie's PR Love Fest

2005-05-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

Let us discuss, if only for a moment, how fake and ridiculous this relationship looks. Tom Cruise, 42, seduced Katie Holmes, 26, just as they both have huge summer blockbuster movies coming out. (Cruise is in “War of the Worlds” and Holmes is in “Batman Begins.”) Being together is a brilliant PR move because it publicizes both of their movies at the same time. I’m betting anything that this relationship is entirely negotiated by agents and PR reps.

It also makes me very suspicious that they’re kissing every time they show up in public. They did it on “Oprah” and they do it on the red carpet and, seemingly, any old time they can when a camera is around, as if to say, “See! We’re real! We’re in love!” Their kiss on “Oprah” last week felt even more stilted and awkward than the infamous Al and Tipper Gore kiss five years ago during the elections.

Can’t you just picture Nicole Kidman sitting on the veranda of her fabulous home in Sydney, wrapped up in a silky robe with smart little eyeglasses perched on the end of her nose, reading a newspaper story about Tom and Katie and laughing so hard that she almost chokes on her Danish and coffee?

This morning CNN’s web site featured a story titled “Holmes on Cruise: ‘I’m so Happy!’” Is it just me, or does that headline sound kind of pornographic, as if Ms. Holmes was riding the Cruise stick shift and declaring her happiness at the same time in some sort of debauched press conference? Maybe CNN needs a new goddamn headline writer.

Oh, and isn’t it also a bad sign when you not only must have continual pictures of you kissing in the press, but then you have to make sure and declare your happiness over and over again, underlining it for the press corps and the general public every time you’re out and about?

But I guess, in the end, it doesn’t matter if the Tommy & Katie relationship is real or not. It got our attention anyway, didn’t it? And it also got us to mention “War of the Worlds” and “Batman Begins” (see first paragraph). So then maybe this agent/PR rep organized relationship is a success after all.

The Boyfriend Swap

2005-05-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

You know, one of the funny parts of being a gay man in just about any city in America is that, eventually, you'll probably swap boyfriends with somebody you know. It's sort of like how on "Dawson's Creek" or "Friends" or "Felicity" (or just about any other sitcom, drama, or WB production) where there are only a limited number of cast members who must find new and interesting ways to mix up who's having sex with whom. Same rules apply to the gay dating world (apparently).

A year ago I was very close friends with L, a girl I worked with, and her gay friend, N. Just a few months earlier I had broken up with my boyfriend, B, whom I had been with for three years (from age seventeen to twenty, spanning the end of high school and the beginning of college) and I was spending quite a bit of time with Josh K., L, and N.

Over the course of the next year I started to lose touch with L and N, not because anything was wrong, but just because we were all extraordinarily busy with school and our own lives.

Last week, however, one of my friends informed me that she'd seen L and N, my two good friends with whom I'd started to lose touch, out on the town with my long-term ex-boyfriend, B.

To make a long story short, not only were L, N, and B hanging out, but L and B had become regular drinking buddies and--here's the clincher--N and B have now been dating for a month.

I laughed and laughed when I found out. They're the most unlikely pair. Imagining N and B having sex is difficult to do and, mostly, just inspires immature giggling. But I found it even weirder that my two friends were hanging out with my ex-boyfriend and that my ex was now dating one of them.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that a few months after B and I broke up that he was asking me if Josh K. was single and available for dating?

That's right. Mr. Three Year Boyfriend wanted to date my best friend, right after we'd broken up. Classy, hmmm? I told him, with careful and kind words, that he could go fuck himself.

But I guess if you can't nail my best friend you've got to at least start going through my outer ring of friends, right? ;)

No, seriously, maybe that sounds venomous, but it's not really a big deal. Mostly I just find it funny. But my friend V finds the whole situation "trashy" and "scandalous." "The gay world is not that small," she said to me on the phone. "Can't N find anybody else?"

But maybe the gay world is that small after all.

Anyhow, I went out and had a drink with all of them on Saturday night at Red Dragon and Rudolph's on Lyndale Avenue. It was totally fine. The weirdest part was realizing that I was a complete stranger with B, this guy who'd been one of the most important people in my life for years. But on Saturday I realized that, if I had been meeting him for the first time that night, we probably wouldn't even have been friends or had anything to talk about. I think that's the most troubling part of the whole thing--how former lovers can become perfect strangers.

At The Restaurant

2005-05-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

Robert Downey, Jr. (left) and me (right, obviously)

Last night at The Restaurant (you know, the one downtown where I work) one of the tables stopped me and said, "Oh my God, do you know that you look just like Robert Downey Jr.?" I looked to see how much they'd been drinking, but it didn't seem like they were that drunk. It was an interesting suggestion, though. I informed them that I do much less heroin than Mr. Downey, Jr. (which is to say that I've never done any) but that, uh, I would take their suggestion as a compliment. Maybe. Sort of. They called me "Robert" for the remainder of the evening.

One of the favorite games of staffers at restaurants with higher-end clientel is called "Guess Who's Got Implants." Last night we had a woman who took no guessing at all. She had her big fake-tanned knockers hanging right out of her shirt in a button-down contraption that looked rather complicated and, most likely, uncomfortable. Throughout dinner she leaned forward over her food and drinks as if she was engaged in conversation, but it seemed instead that she was just trying to hike her jubblies out onto her table, as if they were a morsel to be enjoyed with the meal and the fine wine. The wife of the couple having dinner with Ms. Implants and her husband looked none too thrilled with her own husband's eyes roaming the hills and valleys of Ms. Implants' chest. Hell, I'm a homo and I even had to get a better look.

The Restaurant recently won a few awards and has appeared in many more local papers and magazines (and even garnered attention in the Chicago Sun last week) and last night, by 4:30 p.m., half the tables in the restaurant were filled. (We don't even officially open each day until 5 p.m.) The wait for a table was consistenly more than two hours throughout the night and we had reservations for tables up until midnight (with tables continuing to fill up until nearly 1 a.m.).

After a hard night like that the best part is when the owners make the whole staff fresh margaritas and make a dinner for the whole staff to enjoy. Last night it was an exquisite spicy pasta and shrimp dish, not even offered on the menu, that went perfectly with the ice cold margaritas. It's great when your boss at work slaps down a margarita in front of you and says, "Good work tonight, kid. Drink up." There really should be more jobs like that.

Magnolia of the Rich and Famous

2005-05-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Does anything here look familiar?

On page 27 of the May 23, 2005, edition of Us Weekly there’s a picture of Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber sitting on a park bench drinking coffee from Magnolia Bakery and sitting in a little park across the street on green benches with stone tables, which happen to have chessboards engraved on them—but you can’t see that in the photo.

How do I know that the tables have chessboards on them? Because on the first day of our vacation in New York, after having dinner at Penang in SoHo, Josh and I (along with our friend David) walked over to Magnolia, got some of their famous cupcakes, and sat in the exact same spot where Naomi and Liev are sitting in the photo above. Nifty, huh?

The caption of the photo reads, “On May 4 in NYC, LIEV SCREIBER and NAOMI WATTS picked up coffee at Magnolia Bakery before heading over to a Greenwich Village park. ‘They were laughing and talking quite a bit!’ says an eyewitness.”

And not that I would ever be caught reading a copy of Us Weekly. A little bird told me about the picture. (Cough, cough.)

Below is a picture of me noshing on Magnolia cupcakes and sitting right where Liev Schreiber is sitting in the photo above.

10,000

2005-05-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Since March 20, 2005, we’ve had 10,000 hits on our blog. We want to thank all of you who’ve come to Josh and Josh and read our silly little stories and continued to come back (and especially to those of you who leave comments—we love ‘em). We hope to have you with us through 10,000 more. :)

Day Four: Josh & Josh Leave NYC

2005-05-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

Josh and I spent our last day in New York looking at apartments with David. We saw one at East 96th and Madison that looked great from the outside, but it was a fifth-floor walk-up, one of the bedrooms didn't have a window, and the kitchen also happened to be the living room, all for the nifty price of $2100 a month.

We saw another apartment on Broadway and the West 50s, this time through a brokerage, and the renovated apartment was gorgeous and the rooms were spacious (okay, spacious only in Manhattan terms), but the rest of the apartment building was a total wreck. It was straight out of one of those ghetto scenes in a scary movie set in New York. They let us know that they were renovating everything, starting with the apartments, but that meant the rest of the building might not be done for years. We passed.

The three of us had a huge lunch at a high-energy, entertaining tourist-trap restaurant in Times Square and it was great to load up on food and talk about our vacation.

At four o'clock the three of us got on the A train and headed to Brooklyn and JFK. David kindly went with us and snapped the picture below--our very last picture in New York.

A couple hours later we were on a plane, watching Manhattan spin by below us, heading west to Minneapolis.

Day Three: Josh & Josh Take New York

2005-05-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

Josh and I slept in a little bit on our third day in New York and had a fantastic brunch at the famed Sarabeth's on Madison Avenue before walking to the Metropolitan Museum of Art (pictured above and popularly called "The Met"). Josh and I read in The New Yorker that the Met had a special Chanel exhibit showing and we sheepishly admitted that we both wanted to see that while we were there. (The exhibit was classic and classy, as would be expected from Chanel.)

Josh and I hit the modern art wing of the museum and, as we were casually browsing some of the pieces, we saw a familiar guy browsing the gallery with us.

That's right. Mr. James Bond himself, Pierce Brosnan, was walking around looking at the art with his (homely) wife. The best part was that everybody left them alone. I love that about New York. Celebrities can just do their thing. New Yorkers don't even care anymore because seeing a celebrity there is like seeing leaves on trees. It's old news. Anyway, we bumped into them a few times going through the museum. When a couple kids approached for an autograph I snapped this picture and then Josh and I hightailed out of there. We didn't want to interrupt his day any more than we had to.

Once we left The Met we decided to walk to the Museum of Modern Art (popularly called "MoMA"). We walked down Fifth Avenue (which quickly became a favorite activity of ours) and, just minutes after seeing Pierce, we bumped into another celeb, this time on Fifth Avenue around 55th Street.

Josh K. turned to me on the street and said, "Josh, do you think that's Antonio Sabato, Jr. walking in front of us?" I said I didn't know and we followed him for half a block and neither of us was absolutely sure it was him. He was very well groomed and looked gorgeous, but it wasn't until he smiled and we saw his trademark dimples that we were sure. I just had to snap that picture, even if I couldn't get his full face in the picture. It's so strange to be walking down the street with male supermodels. That just doesn't happen very often in Minneapolis. (If you haven't already checked out Antonio Sabato, Jr.'s exercise book, check it out. I promise you that the pictures, if not also the information, are worthwhile.)

The MoMA was an entertaining experience. We enjoyed most of the museum and some of the photography was really phenomenal. But a few pieces, like the one above, inspired a little questioning. The sculpture above, by Robert Gober, consisted of the bottom part of a mannequin stuck into the wall with candles on his calves and on his left ass cheek. But in all seriousness, we were glad we went to the MoMA. It was cool stuff.

Josh and Josh at the musical "Altar Boyz."

After our museum adventures we met David and his friend, Matthew, at 50th and 8th to see the evening performance of "Altar Boyz," a hilarious, high-energy show about a Christian boy band. Josh and I both come from Catholic backgrounds (and now call ourselves "recovering Catholics") and that made the show even funnier. It was all very tongue-in-cheek.

After the show David insisted that we wait to meet Tyler Maynard (second from the right in the "Altar Boyz" picture above), the actor who played the in-the-closet gay guy (and who just happened to be gay in real life, too). David knew a friend of Tyler's and Tyler warmed up to David right away after the show. David introduced Tyler to Josh and me and, suddenly, Tyler invited us to the CD release party for the "Altar Boyz" soundtrack at Pop Rocks in the Village later that night. When he asked if we were going it was a no fucking brainer.

When the three of us arrived at Pop Rocks an hour later we were stopped at the velvet rope and asked if we were on the list. David told the doorman that Tyler put us on the list. The doorman asked, "Are you Josh? Josh and Josh?" and pointed at us. We confirmed that we were and the velvet rope slid away and the three of us entered the club. (We nearly peed our pants in the process.)

Inside we met up with Tyler and he gave us tons of free drink tickets and the producer of the show came up and said, "Are you two Josh and Josh?" and was totally charming, making small talk with us. We hung out with Tyler and met another of the (hot) stars of the show, during the course of the evening.

We left shortly after midnight, knowing that we had a day of taxing Manhattan apartment hunting ahead of us. It was a pretty cool night, though. And it also seemed like Mr. Tyler Maynard may or may not have had a crush on Joshie K. . . .

Day Two: Josh and Josh Do New York

2005-05-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Josh and I started our second day in New York in Times Square. We took the 2 train from 110th Street to West 42nd Street and started hunting for a show to see. We stopped at "Avenue Q," but they didn't have an afternoon matinee (they don't until later in the summer), we missed the 10 a.m. rush seats at "Chicago," the line was way too long at "Mamma Mia" and we entered (but did not win) the ticket lottery at "Wicked."

When we realized an afternoon show was probably out of the question we decided to have a day on the city, exploring as we pleased. We enjoyed Times Square, despite the fact that so many New Yorkers find it a totally gauche place, and did some serious shopping at H&M before making our way down Fifth Avenue from 42nd Street all the way to West 8th Street. Along the way we hit Kenneth Cole New York where Josh and I splurged on two absolutely gorgeous watches that perfectly fit each of our personalities. (No, really, they're hot watches.)

We worked up quite an appetite from all the shopping and decided that some good ol' New York style pizza was in order before we could finish taking on the city.

We thoroughly enjoyed Washington Square Park and walked around the neighborhood, hitting the NYU campus (which was gorgeous) and we discovered a part of the Village, around Bleecker and MacDougal, that made us drool by simply imagining what it'd be like to have an apartment there.

Then Josh and I made the brave and fabulous decision to walk all the way home from Washington Square Park, a 100-block trek. It was a fantastic seven-mile adventure that landed us at another H&M where we bought more clothes and brought us by the Trump Tower, Tiffany & Co., the Plaza, through Museum Mile, and some of the most fabulous real estate in the city. It was absolutely worth it.

We took this snapshot in the East 90s on our way back to the apartment. The sun was setting over the reservoir in Central Park and the way the sun came through the trees and behind the legendary apartment buildings of Central Park West was breathtaking.

Back at David's apartment we ordered Chinese take-out from Yaon Ming Garden before getting ready to go out for the night. We decided to go to Phoenix, an intimate and low-key gay bar in the Village. We met up with some of David's friends there and made new friends of our own (including one cutie who gave his phone number) before we caught a cab home at the end of a long, but definitely fabulous, second day in New York.

Day One: Josh and Josh Do New York

2005-05-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

This morning Josh and I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and scrambled to finish getting ready for our trip to New York. Josh K.'s sisters picked us up at 5 a.m. and drove us to the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport where we nabbed a quick breakfast and boarded our plane shortly after 6 a.m. A half an hour later we were airborn and heading east toward New York.

After a two-hour flight, Josh and I landed in New York at 10 a.m. We got our baggage and our friend (and future roommate), David, met us at JFK in Brooklyn. We took the A train into the city, dropped our stuff off at David's apartment on the Upper East Side, and then hit the city full force.

We started with Central Park, exploring the Conservatory Gardens (just steps from David's apartment), wandering through fields of bright flowers and mazes of shrubbery, marble statues, and ponds. We took in views of the city skyline from the reservoir and popped out of the park around East 90th Street to get a hot dog in front of the Guggenheim Museum. (We snapped the picture above just outside the park's wall in front of the Guggenheim at East 88th Street and 5th Avenue.)

We hopped back in the park, found the small pond where children float sailboats and parents read newspapers at a small waterside cafe. We sauntered over to the Bethesda Fountain, one of the most famous fountains in the world. A fantastic live jazz quartet played nearby while we sat at the fountain. (This fountain is the setting of the gorgeous final monologue in the HBO film "Angels in America." If you haven't seen the movie, rent it ASAP. It's amazing.)

We wandered out of the park and found a five-story Barnes & Noble on 66th Street and then snapped this picture in front of the fountain at Lincoln Center. Shortly after we left the entire cast of "Desperate Housewives" was photographed here for an ABC promotional event. You may also recognize this fountain as the place where Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw had her big date in a perfect gown and a dazzling chignon updo, but I digress.

The three of us walked to SoHo and had dinner at the fantastic Penang restaurant (seen above). The food was delicious and the service was whip fast. We wandered the streets of SoHo, drooling at the apartments and boutiques surrounding us, stopping at the Mac flagship and at Magnolia, a famous bakery. We ate our goodies from Magnolia in a small, leafy park across from the bakery, breathing in the New York spring night air. It was the perfect ending to our first day in Manhattan.

Josh & Josh Are In New York!

2005-05-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

Josh and I will be in New York for the rest of the week. We've packed our bags (yes, Josh K. did pack enough clothes to wear a few different outfits each day, but I digress) and we're ready to go. We've been talking about this vacation for a long time and the fact that it's finally here (and that school is over and we've just graduated from college) seems a bit surreal (yet fabulous).

When we get back we'll show y'all some great snapshots of us doin' up the Big Apple.

In the mean time, we've set our blog to show every post we've made since our debut on January 28, 2005. We've put it all up for your perusal and enjoyment while we're away.

See you soon!

All our love,
Josh & Josh

Josh & Josh Graduate from College

2005-05-15T23:30:00.000-07:00

Josh and I graduated from the University of Minnesota today. Josh K. (left) earned a B.A. in art and Josh H. (right) earned a B.A. in journalism.

While we loved graduating, we didn't so much love the graduation caps. In fact, we immediately decreed them hideous, but wore them anyway because we paid $33 for the highly flammable cap and gown combo. Whoever invented these ugly mofo caps should be arrested immediately and be forced to wear said caps in perpetuity.

Meanwhile, Josh and I are packing our suitcases and preparing to leave Tuesday morning on a jet plane for a fabulous vacation. But more about that later. . . .

Friday Treatz, Vol. 3

2005-05-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

Josh K. and his stepmother in the British Virgin Isands. Can you guess which one is which? (Hint: Josh K. is not wearing a bikini)

The last couple of days in Minnesota have been a disappointing series of cold rainshowers and near-freezing temperatures. To combat this trend, I tried to tempt summer into rearing its beautiful head by wearing flip-flops, but my toes were so wet and cold that they started to numb.

Angry and sad that my feet turned out to not be omnipotent, I shoved my shit back into a pair of shoes. But while I'm waiting for it to warm up (so I can bare my ugly feet without fear of frostbite!), it's comforting to look at photos of the times when my feet were not only bared but bathed in tepid turquoise waters. Note my stepmom's strategic positioning of her legs so that her thighs look thinner. Clever bitch.

Just to confuse the shit out of laymen like me, someone thought it would be a tricky idea to make something as insanely cool as this. It just keeps going, y'all! Amazing! But how'd they do it?!

What five years of college will do to your checking account.

Josh H. addendum:

Last night I discovered the dark side of fine dining. At The Restaurant (you know, the hot hip one downtown where I work?) somebody peed all over the bathroom floor and I got asked to do the honors of moppin' it up. The host looked at me sympathetically and said, "I'm so sorry." It was the first icky thing I've had to do there. Luckily they had a huge mop and it only took a few strokes and it was gone.

"You know," the chef told me, "some people have a fetish about peeing and having other people clean it up. They get off on knowing that somebody else will have to see it and mop it up." He told me he knew this because he's worked in the industry for years and it happens all the time. Who knew? I thought it was more funny than anything else.

Left to right: Michael, Ani, Josh H., and Vanja

In happier news, though the weather may be crappy outside, it's warm inside with a crew of friends at lunch. College is famous for long lunches with friends, and this one was my last. Cheers, kids! Here's to a fine four years.

Hey, Is That a Dying Dog or Just Your Neighbor Trying to Have an Orgasm?

2005-05-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

Last night Josh K. and I had an end-of-the-semester celebratory slumber party at his fabulous apartment. We sat in his living room with the windows thrown open and the lights down. A heavily scented post-rain breeze blew through the room while Joni Mitchell, Cat Stevens, and Jack Johnson played quietly on the stereo. Josh and I talked and laughed non-stop about school, guys, and New York.

Around 2 a.m. we curled into bed and started to fall asleep (on our own sides of the bed, mind you--we're best friends, not boyfriends).

But then we started hearing sounds. Softly first, then louder. Then much louder.

”Oh. Ooooh. Oooooooooooh.”

Josh K. started laughing.

“Did you hear that?” he asked.

“Is that—is that what I think it is?” I asked, sitting up. We both started giggling and we pressed our ears against the wall. The noise level increased and it was like we were in the room with them.

We heard what either sounded like a sick dog whining or else a woman on her way to a semi-satisfying orgasm. She moaned. She groaned. For a while she switched over to making noises like a constipated person trying to sling out some poo, but then she switched back to moaning dog noises. They got louder, more insistent.

Josh and I almost died laughing. Josh K. had to keep telling me to quiet down because if we could hear them, they could probably hear us.

Finally we heard a low, manly grunt. Just one. The dog-whine-constipation groans stopped. Apparently the sex was over.

I looked at my watch. “Jesus, we could have started some Ramen when they started and been eating it by the time they were done.”

We kept laughing intermittently until we finally drifted off to sleep.

I'm Finished With College Forever!

2005-05-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

While I had my last day of college classes last Wednesday, I still had two final papers to write. I didn't feel like doing them this weekend (really, there were more fabulous things to do) but they were sort of due today so, uh, I quickly got down to business this morning.

I went to Espresso Exposé on campus, set up shop with a fresh drink, my laptop, and a pile of syllabi, class notes, and assignment sheets and got down to work.

I wrote the five-page paper in two hours. Then, in a heroic moment of academic gusto, I researched and wrote my ten-page paper in three hours. (If I were a superhero I'd like to think that my superpower would be super-fast paper writing. That or the ability to read minds and leap tall buildings in single leaps. But whatever.)

At 5:57 p.m. today I turned in my very last college paper. I slipped it under my professor’s door and, just like that, college was over.

I took this picture right after I turned in my last paper. I’m standing in the hallway of the School of Journalism and Mass Communication and, yes, I’m unshaven and wearing my glasses. But I’m also done with college and absolutely thrilled about it.

Now all I have left to do is walk across the graduation stage on Sunday morning, flip my tassel, and then Josh and I will be packing our suitcases…

Tiny Shorts, Big Dollars

2005-05-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

This story, which I wrote, appeared in a local magazine last week.

Stripper Chris Jackson, a.k.a. Flip

Dozens of well-dressed men at The Saloon dance club stand in a semi-circle around a glass-encased shower elevated a few feet off the ground, effectively turning the shower into a stage. Thunderous dance music pounds off the nearby dance floor, but none of the men look like they’ll be moving to the dance floor any time soon.

The dim lights explode to life, bathing the shower in light. The water sprays. An emcee babbles on about the show, but the men don’t seem to be listening. They’re waiting for the next performer.

It’s 1 a.m. on a school night and the next performer, University of Minnesota freshman Chris Jackson, is ready to take center stage.

“Here’s Flip!” the emcee yells into the microphone.

Jackson, whose stripper name is Flip, appears from a curtain behind the shower stage clad in a pair of tiny black shorts. He walks to the beat of the dance music and steps into the shower. Water sluices over Jackson’s well-tanned, well-muscled body. His blond hair slicks to his head as water streams down his body. His hips begin to move rhythmically to the music. Jackson smiles. His hands wander over the flat planes of his body.

Jackson has the audience’s full attention.

Suddenly Jackson, a long-time gymnast, flips onto his hands in the shower, his legs straight up in the air. The audience cheers. Jackson begins doing handstand pushups under the stream of pouring water, earning him more whoops from the crowd.

A dozen men approach the shower, sliding well-worn bills through a slot in the shower. When a twenty-dollar bill slips through the slot Jackson again flips onto his hands. With one hand he slowly slides off his black shorts to reveal a black thong underneath.

Jackson’s fingers slip under the strap of the thong and, in one smooth movement, he slides the thong off his tan, muscular legs.

Jackson is naked, still standing on his hands. The audience applauds. The lights go dark and the show is over. The dance music is still pounding.

The student behind the thong

The next day, clad in a hoodie sweatshirt and jeans and curled up on a brown sofa in his dorm, Jackson explains how he became a male stripper.

“Well, it was one of those things I used to joke about with my friends,” Jackson says. “Then I came here to Minneapolis [from California] and I didn’t know there was a male dance company here. I had a couple people approach me at a club saying, ‘Hey, you should be a dancer.’ I was just like, ‘Fine, I’ll give it a try.’”

Interviewing for a job as a male stripper with JDE Studios, much like other exotic dancing companies, is a little different than interviewing for most jobs, Jackson explains.

Click here to continue reading the article.

Friday Treatz, Vol. 2

2005-05-06T01:30:00.000-07:00

Remember this guy? He was featured in a series of Gap commercials about six years ago and he's really, really hot. I still miss watching his luscious lips part as he mouthed the lyrics to old pop songs while I helplessly watched my own lips part as I mouthed the lyrics to "Hero" by Mariah Carey. You win some and you lose some.

I know this looks like a painting, but it's actually a really cool outdoor room/space/sculpture behind the Walker Art Center in the new addition to the sculpture garden. To get to it, you have to walk through a long hallway that takes you underneath the lawn and into a large, open room with a gaping square hole in the ceiling. It's really beautiful and peaceful, unlike my grandma, whose large, gaping hole provides nothing but problems.

Did I ever tell you that a couple years ago I followed one of the Carlson twins around Rosedale shopping mall? Yeah, well, I totally did, and I think he was not very happy about it. As if I cared. By the way: he seemed short. And gay. As in actually gay, not just special needs. Like, he held his flip phone to his ear as if he was cupping his chin with the palm of his hand, similar to the way a lot of high school seniors cup their own chins for those extra-classy senior photos they hand out to all their friends with "I can't believe we're done!" written on the back. I did it, too, but I wrote "Actually, I'll probably never call you, so don't bother giving me your number. P.S. You're really annoying and I'm glad I won't ever have to see you again." Okay, so maybe I didn't really write that. At all. But I sure was thinking it.

Josh H. addendum

The farmer's market yesterday was absolutely gorgeous. Every Thursday they have fresh flowers, ripe fruit and delicious veggies downtown on Nicollet Avenue, stretching several blocks. This section of the farmer's market is right in front of the IDS Tower (the tallest building in Minneapolis) and in front of the Ermenegildo Zegna boutique. I love the mix of having a farmer's market in front of a skyscraper and a high-end clothing boutique. The weather was gorgeous, the sky was blue, and the scent of fresh flowers and ripe fruit filled the air. I fell in love with Minneapolis all over again.

Okay, aparently something about eating at Chipotle turns me into a spy. Yesterday I couldn't resist snapping a picture of these (transgendered) girls at the Chipotle on Nicollet and Eleventh. The one on the right was really fabulous and quite pretty. They were having a ton of fun and I wanted to join them for lunch and get in on the jokes and gossip.

Paris Gets Waxed

2005-05-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

Last week I saw the preview for the new horror flick “House of Wax” and I called Josh. “I know this is awful,” I said, “but I want to see Paris Hilton’s new horror movie.”

It’s the kind of movie you see on a Friday night with a tub of popcorn slathered in gallons of butter in one hand and an extra-large Diet Coke in the other, laughing with your friends as Paris Hilton and her finger lickin’ good co-stars get picked off one by one. I mean, who doesn’t kind of want to see Paris Hilton get brutally taken out on-screen?

Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki apparently provide ample man candy in the movie. The “House of Wax” web site shows lots of movie stills of Chad shirtless and that’s something I can’t complain about in a Paris Hilton Friday night slasher movie.

Also on the “House of Wax” web site you can listen to Paris Hilton’s podcast. It’s complete trashy entertainment. Listen as Paris leaves the Letterman show, bitching about Dave pressing questions about the fight with Nicole Ritchie. Listen to Paris getting all the softball questions given to her before her “Regis & Kelly” interview. Then at Butter, a hot restaurant in downtown New York, Paris talks about the $2 million in diamonds she’s wearing for her film’s TriBeCa Film Festival premiere. (One question: How did “House of Wax” get into an actual film festival? How?) Paris’s podcast is another one of those train wreck things—it’s so bad that you can’t help being curious.

And speaking of separated at birth…

Jared Padalecki (left) is one of the sexy stars of “House of Wax.” You may recognize Jared from “Gilmore Girls” where he played Dean Forester or from “New York Minute” where he played Trey Lipton opposite the Olson Twins.

When I saw Jared’s picture I couldn’t help think that he looked like he could be the brother of hot-and-single Scott from Friendster (right).

Cute boys, no?

Caution: Medical Scam

2005-05-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

Tell your moms and sisters to keep their eyes peeled. Scams like this could give a girl a bad reputation, you know?

Fucking Chairs

2005-04-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

I never thought chairs had sexual lives of their own until I saw this hilarious, surprisingly hot short film called Roof Sex (click to see movie).

So watch out, boys and girls: that hard lump on the sofa may not be the remote control.

Cover Letter Hell

2005-04-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Whoever invented cover letters should be immediately given a Brazilian wax, using duct tape instead of wax, as a punishment. Because, seriously, writing multiple cover letters until 3 a.m. is about as enjoyable as getting a Brazilian with duct tape. Why not share the fun?

In a cover letter you have 200 words to introduce yourself, explain what position you're applying for and why, describe your background and how it's applicable to this specific job, do a little low-key ego stroking, ask for an interview, and then sign off. Cover letters are all one big formula, but that still doesn't mean I like them.

There's something so--I don't know--disconcerting about presenting yourself and applying for a job that you actually care about in a 200-word letter.

Boo on cover letters.

All I'm sayin' is that I better get the #@!$%*& internship. Otherwise I'll track down those human resources fuckers with my roll of decade-old duct tape and give them a surprise they'll not soon forget.

Sinning With My Headphones

2005-04-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

Let’s say you have a really boring class Monday and Wednesday afternoons that you and your friends have nicknamed The Most Boring Class Ever.

Usually you deal with this problem by bringing your laptop to class and using wireless Internet access to check your e-mail and read The New York Times Online.

But today? Today you are feeling particularly naughty.

So what do you do? Why, you wire your iPod headphones through the sleeve of your shirt, pop a headphone into one ear, lean your head on your hand to hide the earphone, and watch a movie on your laptop during class.

This sort of behavior makes The Most Boring Class Ever go by much faster.

These things happen when you’re a college senior in your last two weeks of classes.

Sometimes being naughty feels wickedly good. I almost feel like I deserve a spanking.

'Sex and the City' Exclusive

2005-04-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight Candace Bushnell, the real-life Carrie Bradshaw and author of the novel "Sex and the City," came to the University of Minnesota. I was there and I transcribed the entire event. You can't get this exclusive anywhere else on the Net. :)

"A lot of people get caught up in love and they think it’s going to solve all of their problems, but relationships don’t solve your problems, and usually they make them worse.

You have to be able to make an adult decision about commitment. It wasn’t until I got older and really understood that the only way a relationship can work is commitment. And for some people that does mean marriage.

I think young women spend too much time worrying about relationships and not about their career. I know that you think your career is boring right now, but when people ask me about my biggest regret, it was that in my 20s I wish I would have spent more time thinking about my career than my relationships and more about making money and getting ahead.

We don’t tell women enough how important it is to be successful. Success gives you self-actualization and a sense of achievement. And when you’re successful it’s easy to find a man and a relationship. It’s hard to find a decent man and a relationship when you’re needy and you’re unsure and you hate your job and you hate your life. That’s probably one of the worst times to meet a man. It’s kind of like a Band-Aid.

My advice is to really concentrate on you and be a whole person and a whole person who makes a contribution to the world. Everything else will follow, including a great relationship."

Click here to read the whole article.

Stupid Bitches

2005-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

I'm going to bottom-line it for you all:

The film festival didn't go very well.

Tiaras, Pop Tarts, Italian Wine and Doritos

2005-04-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

What's that? What's that you say? Your friend's film festival didn't go quite as planned? Try our following recipe to deal with the situation.

First, analyze the hell out of the situation. Talk. A lot. Call the judges stupid bitches. And then explore why their mediocrity of vision didn't land you one of the awards. Laugh about the films that did win the awards--including the one that featured sing-a-longs with corporate logos. That one sucked.

Second, go to the nearest convenience store. Buy Doritos and Pop Tarts. Return home with said products and best friend and pull out expensive bottle of Italian wine. Let friend wear the tiara and earrings your friends gave you as a gag gift two years ago. Take pictures. Then laugh at pictures.

Laugh at said pictures until your stomach hurts and you don't care about the stupid film festival anyway. You know why? Because you're fabulous. That's why. Your tiara says it all.

Smutty Snacks at 2 a.m.

2005-04-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Josh K. and I went to see his film at the U of M Film Festival with our friend, Michael, and we worked up quite an appetite watching all those student films. Some of them were heinous. Awful, really. But one of them, called “Daydream Degas” was absolutely beautiful. And I might be biased here, but I thought Josh K.’s "Moira" was truly one of the best films at the festival. No joke. But I digress.

At 2 a.m. we left the film festival and made a unanimous decision that fast food was in order, stat. The picture above shows the Josh & Josh smutty Burger King tray, complete with four hamburgers, five chicken tenders, and a large Coke. A boy can really work up an appetite watching movies, you know? Movie watching is such an arduous task.

Anyhow, I’ve got my fingers crossed for Josh’s film. I really want him to win.

Josh K. and Josh H. at 2 a.m., just before snarfing down smutty snacks at Burger King.

I Spy

2005-04-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

I sort of fell in love with the idea of them.

I was at Chipotle on campus eating a nummy chicken burrito after seeing "Sin City" downtown when they walked in. My jaw dropped. I had to focus on chewing. Really.

I found them beautiful--these two guys who walked in, ordered burritos, and were so well-dressed and playful. Crazy music played on the huge speakers in the restaurant (as usual) and they sort of dance/strutted to the soda machine together. Suddenly the taller one (the guy on the right in the picture above) started playfully dry humping the other guy in front of the soda machine. The other guy went with it and started laughing.

I tried to figure out if they were gay or straight. I couldn't tell. But I also don't think I really cared.

They sat down to eat their burritos and I did something I've never done before. I surreptitiously slipped my brand new Canon Elph out of my messenger bag, turned off the flash, and snapped three pictures. I wanted to remember them. Plus I knew Josh K. would quiz me about the boys later when I told him the "hot guys at Chipotle" story, and I wanted photographic evidence.

It's true. I spied. Does this qualify me for junior paparazzi status? Should I be applying for a job with Us Weekly?

Josh & Josh Invade Ikea (Again!)

2005-04-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Josh and I just can't seem to stay away from Ikea. We spent the afternoon browsing the model rooms and noshing on snacks in Ikea's cafeteria. We took a digital camera along and had fun posing in different Ikea model environments. The following are some of the resulting (crazy) pictures.

Josh K. (left) and Josh H. (right) attend a pretend dinner party in an Ikea model dining room.

Josh K. orders around underlings in one of Ikea's office models. And he means business, folks. You can tell by the pointed finger.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Josh H. washes dishes after the pretend dinner party we had earlier.

Josh K. lounges around in one of our favorite model living rooms. How great would it be to come home to this apartment after work?

Josh H. cuddles up with "Wuthering Heights" in one of the Ikea office/den models.

We admit it. We're crazy. But we love it.

And we love digital cameras. And Ikea.

And we did pick out the furniture we'll have in our respective bedrooms when we move to NYC in September.

Judy Shepard Exclusive

2005-04-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is truly a Josh & Josh exclusive. I wrote a story about Judy Shepard, the mother of murdered hate crime victim Matthew Shepard, for the issue of a local magazine that hits newsstands next week. You're getting bonus material that doesn't even appear in the article. The story posted here is comprised of Judy's direct quotes. What Judy Shepard had to say was equal parts funny, eloquent, and heartbreaking.

"You might say, 'Oh, I’m not gay, I don’t have anything to come out about.' If you’re Jewish, you need to talk about discrimination; if you’re a person of color, you need to talk about it. If you’re Muslim, you need to talk about it. And not just you, but your families and friends. They need to know your story and they need to tell your story. Because nobody will know or care if that doesn’t happen.

No white politician who is straight and white and over 65 will ever know what it’s like to be GLBT unless you talk to them and tell them what your story is, the discrimination you face and fear everyday because we don’t protect you.

And when our leader comes on the TV and says gay people can’t get married, people think you’re second class citizens and they hurt you because they think you don’t matter. Only you have the power to change that by telling your stories. And voting. Talk and vote. You can’t make the changes except from the inside."

Click here to read the full Judy Shepard exclusive.

Shower Night at The Saloon

2005-04-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to The Saloon, the biggest meat market gay club in Minneapolis, to cover a story for a campus magazine.

Last year The Saloon installed a shower near the dance floor where professional dancers let water sluice down their bodies while strippin’ nekkid for tips. When I walked into the club with my friend, Michael, we were immediately greeted by the sight of four dozen guys standing around the shower as a dancer pulled his pud to the steady rhythm of the music pumping off the dance floor.

Huh, I thought, isn’t this interesting? Four dozen grown men standing around watching this guy showering and wanking. What an interesting sociological phenomenon. The whole thing was sort of like a train wreck: you know you’re not supposed to look or really want to see, but you look anyway and you sort of do want to see.

The magazine hired me to profile one of the male dancers, Flip (that’s his stripper name, anyway), who worked it in the shower, standing on his hands and splaying his legs, sliding off his sleek black thong mid-air after a patron slipped him a twenty. Flip was, by far, the audience favorite.

I have the sit-down interview with Flip tomorrow, which I think will be really voyeuristically interesting. I mean, what's it like to be a stripper? What does it feel like, how much do you make? And how does one become a stripper in the first place, anyway?

Bloody Bjork

2005-04-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

It was rumored that Björk was going to show up at the Walker Art Center this opening weekend to support her boyfriend, artist Matthew Barney, whose large installation is featured in the new Friedman gallery.

We were surprised when she actually showed up. With a bloody nose.

Now, it remains unclear whether it was actually a bloody nose or if it was makeup, but, whatever the case, she let it drip elegantly above her beautiful Icelandic lips the whole night.

Which, come to think of it, sounds a bit like menstruation.

Also in attendance was Al Franken, who is surprisingly cute in person.

Coming Soon to a City Near You

2005-04-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

The proposed $1.5 billion Bridges of Saint Paul residential, retail, and entertainment complex on St. Paul's west side river flats would be the first of its kind in the Twin Cities. And it looks absolutely breathtaking.

The project would be completed over ten years by a developer who will not take no for an answer.

The problem, some say, is that the complex, which includes 30-story condominiums, a multiplex theatre, and dozens of restaurants and shops, would both suck life away from downtown St. Paul and be an unwelcome distraction from the beauty of the river flats.

I think it's a much-needed revitalization for a city that most view as a "nice place to sleep in." Go check out the proposal at The Bridges of Saint Paul. Any thoughts?

Edna E. Mode is All That

2005-04-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

Edna E. Mode from “The Incredibles.”

If you haven’t seen “The Incredibles” yet you must see it. Soon.

“The Incredibles” follows two retired superhero parents raising a family in the suburbs. Dad, the former Mr. Incredible, has a job at an insurance agency and mom, the former Elastagirl, is a housewife raising a sullen daughter and a high-strung son while taking care of a baby. Everything changes when the world is in danger once again and mom and dad have to come out of retirement, possibly bringing the whole family with them.

The dialogue is snappy and witty and the visuals are truly incredible (no pun intended). Pixar has this stuff down pat. Even details like the hair on the characters’ head are meticulously done. In fact, the hair looks so good throughout that it almost becomes another character. Pantene Pro-V, you can eat your heart out, bitches.

Edna E. Mode, pictured above, nearly steals the show. Edna is the superhero costume designer who went on to high fashion after superheroes were forced into retirement. This sassy bitch, voiced by writer/director Brad Bird, has some of the best one-liners in the whole movie. She uses the word “darling” in ways that had me laughing so hard that I nearly peed. If you don’t see this movie for any other reason, see it for Miss Edna. I promise it’s worth it.

The Coffee Cult

2005-04-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight at The Restaurant (that hot, hip one where I work downtown) my energy started to flag.

"If you want a pick-me-up you should have a cup of coffee,” one of the servers suggested, waggling a porcelain coffee cup at me.

I was tempted. I gave in.

“Do you know that I never, ever drink coffee?” I said to her, pouring myself a steaming cup. Two other servers in the serving station turned to stare at me, shocked.

“What do you mean you don’t drink coffee? Like, you only have it once a day instead of three times a day?”

I laughed. “Well, I mean, I just never have it. Like, ever.”

I poured in cream and sugar (they told me that if I was hardcore that I would drink it black, but since I’m a newbie I decided I could doctor it up) and took a drink. Four sets of eyes watched me intently. I made an “mmmm” sound as I drank and the three servers nodded.

“You’ll be hooked in no time,” one said, grinning. I had visions of myself at Starbucks ordering four-dollar double tall super mocha latte thingies and I shuddered. But I finished the cup anyway. And I did perk up.

I think the coffee cult is trying to get me.

Friday Treatz

2005-04-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Friday Treatz, Josh and Josh's excuse to post pictures of things we found interesting, hot, or saucy during the week that we couldn't find a place for until now. So, without further ado:

These guys make me wish I was a) a hot straight girl, and/or b) a hot straight bat (if you know what I mean).

In this case, I wish I was a) Ben Affleck's lover, and/or b) European. Ben Affleck and his gay cousin, Jason, are on the left, in an ad for PFLAG. On the right is a gay European couple in an ad for IKEA (the text translates to "My daddies also come in a set") .

P.S. It's now 9 a.m. and I can't find my effing W-2 form. How serious is the government when they say that taxes are due on April 15th? What if I go ahead and put 'er in the mail tomorrow? No good?

Josh H.'s Treatz addendum:

Is This Advertisement Problematic?

2005-04-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

Every year Spring Pride Week is a huge event at the University of Minnesota. We host nationally-recognized speakers, show films, and host a widely popular drag show with a big dance afterward.

This year, however, something is amiss.

This year's Spring Pride advertising theme is "recruitment." The advertisements say, "We want YOU to be gay for a day." And I understand there are many interpretations of the slogan--for example, wanting straight people to put themselves in the shoes of a gay person for a day and try and imagine what that might be like. That's a great idea, but I still find the advertisements troubling.

For decades opponents of the GLBT community have lobbed charges that GLBT people "recruit" straight people to be gay. (Please--as if we wanted your beer swilling, plaid-wearing, buck-toothed sons and daughters, Mr. and Mrs. Conservative Alabama.)

There's so much baggage around the term "recruiting" that I'm not sure we should be using it to advertise our Spring Pride Week. Perhaps the advertising team thought they would try to reclaim the term "recruiting" and diffuse the negative connotations of the term with the campaign, but I don't think it worked.

What do you think of the advertising? Is it problematic?

I'm Published in Today's Newspaper!

2005-04-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

Rep. Rick Hansen, DFL-South St. Paul, and Sen. Scott Dibble, DFL-Minneapolis, at AIDS Action Day.

By Josh H.

Eight years ago, Minneapolis resident Bill Johnson’s immune system crashed, nearly killing him.

“My doctor looked at me one day and said, ‘Get ready,’” Johnson said.

Johnson, 44, developed full-blown AIDS in 1995, the year a new generation of HIV/AIDS medications became available.

Luckily for Johnson, the medications worked and his health improved steadily, but not without an expensive price tag. The cost of Johnson’s HIV/AIDS medications exceeded $3,000 a month, and two-thirds of his monthly paycheck went toward medical expenses.

Yesterday, Johnson joined about 100 other concerned citizens at the Minnesota State Capitol for AIDS Action Day. The lobby day, organized by the Minnesota AIDS Project, gave them a chance to discuss with legislators the bill that could ease the costs of prescription medication for low-income HIV/AIDS patients.

The HIV Prevention and Health Care Access Bill will be introduced this week in the Minnesota legislature.

“Nobody deserves to go through that hell of deciding if they can afford to [pay rent] and eat food, or die because they cannot afford their meds,” Johnson said.

Click here to continue reading the article.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

2005-04-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

So, I work in the Walker Art Center shop and I was there tonight when the building was open to board members, funders, and special invitees (which is to say that anyone worth less than ten million dollars was not allowed inside the building).

I met a lot of wealthy people tonight, kids, and I have to tell you: most of them are fucking great. I love how they throw money around like it's play Monopoly money, purchasing $600 watches on a whim, digging through their Prada handbags looking for their Platinum Visa cards, and dropping names left and right.

One woman walked in to the shop and asked to see the postcards of images from the Walker's permanent collection. After I showed her to the table, I overheard her say, "Oh, there's my Jasper Johns!" I thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

Later she was telling a few of my coworkers and me that she couldn't believe that "her Marilyns" were not also on a postcard. Did you catch that? Marilyn, y'all. As in Monroe. As in this bitch is extremely wealthy and could probably buy a small country with the money she used to buy one of Andy Warhol's screenprinted images of Marilyn Monroe.

Funny, that.

It's Official: The Girl is Preggers

2005-04-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

On Britney Spears's newly retooled web site she has announced that, no, she's not just fat:

SHE'S PREGNANT.

I guess Kevin's little swimmers work, huh? Or is it the pool boy's baby?

Wanna know more? Click here.

My First Film Festival!

2005-04-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

My short film Moira made it into the University of Minnesota's First Annual Film Festival, y'all! It's a film in which the main character, Moira, mouths the lyrics to a song about heterosexual love between a beautiful white girl and an ugly beast.

Luckily for me, every last goddamned film that was submitted is being shown, which means, of course, that even if my film is on par with "Glitter" and "Gigli," they still have to show it. Thank god for that. Hopefully, though, they will think it's halfway decent so I have a chance at winning the grand prize (a two-week trip for two to Europe!).

Wish me luck!

The Tony Danza Report

2005-04-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

Remember Tony Danza who starred in the 1980s sitcom "Who's the Boss?" Well, yesterday my good friend David was sauntering through Central Park when he thought he recognized a guy rollerblading through the park. It didn't take David long to figure out that the guy he saw was Tony Danza.

"He looked horrible," David said. "His skin looked like a burlap sack and he had on awful white nylon shorts and his hair looked really stringy."

Danza, who is 5'7" and was born Anthony Iadanza, is now 54 years old and unemployed.

The careers of most of his former "Who's the Boss?" co-stars have stalled as well. Alyssa Milano, currently on the TV show "Charmed", is the only one who has found some success since "Who's the Boss?" went off-air in 1992 after 193 episodes. (Alyssa is Tony's real-life niece.) Judith Light, who played Angela, is doing late-night infomercials for acne products. Danny Pintauro, who played Jonathan, came out of the closet in 1997 in the pages of "The National Enquirer" and is currenly doing a play at New Theater Restaurant in Overland Park, Kansas. (I'm not kidding.) It's just, you know, Off-Off-Off-Off-Off Broadway.

But anyhow, as David said, it sounds like maybe Tony Danza isn't so much the boss anymore. Could it be that "Who's the Boss?" was cursed?

Is Everybody Doing Porn These Days?

2005-04-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

So remember how one time I was browsing a porn site and found my ex-boyfriend on the site getting his dong slobbered on by some guy with bad hair?

And remember how my friend A.S. from last year posed for Playboy Online and one of Josh K.'s high school classmates showed up on the Sean Cody gay porn web site?

Well, we now we can add another to the list of porn stars the Joshes know.

A few weeks ago Miss Involved, a 19-year-old U of M student, went to Chicago for a few days where she posed for several very explicit photographs for an online porn site. The photos show Miss Involved riding a big dildo like a bronco and lookin' all sweaty.

It's so odd seeing somebody you know from a professional situation riding a dildo on an online porno site, you know?

So my question is this: is everybody doing porn these days? And how many college students are out there supplementing their tuition payments by rolling around on Playboy Online or getting butt pirated on Corbin Fisher or flashing their bidness around while wearing bad puka shell necklaces and striking awkward poses? What's with that, anyway?

Tragic Fire at Bush Estate

2005-04-10T17:00:00.000-07:00

Crawford, Texas (not AP) - A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

Josh & Josh See 'Laramie Project'

2005-04-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

Josh and I went to see the University of Minnesota production of "The Laramie Project" today. The play, which is based on the transcripts of interviews with the people of the town where the Matthew Shepard hate crime murder took place, packs a visceral emotional punch.

Samantha Colburn as Aaron Kriefels, the bicyclist who finds Matthew Shepard, completely inhabited her role. Anna Safar as Romaine Patterson, Matthew's best friend and the organizer of Angel Action, made me both laugh and cry at the same time at the end of the show.

There were two actors who were rather disappointing in the show, but thankfully they had lesser parts. One of them had a great scene that they totally drained of the organic energy written into the script.

But, barring that, the show is definitely worth seeing. "Laramie Project" is at the U of M from April 8-17, 2005. Let us know what you think of it. :)

What the @#!% is on Camilla's Head?

2005-04-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles finally got married. They were originally supposed to marry on Friday, but the the pope had to go and bite the dust and delay their nuptials (ever heard of omens, kids?).

My only real question: What the @#!% is Camilla wearing on her @#!%ing head? That is the most hideous hat that I've ever seen. Does she realize she'll have to look at pictures of that goddamned thing for the rest of her life?

What was she thinking?

That's one fashion faux pas that Diana would never have made. Of course, Diana was stylish and fabulous and didn't moderately resemble a horse. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Get Your Freak On at Wal-Mart

2005-04-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

So maybe your campaign of finding a new hot boyfriend through Friendster isn't going so well. You're probably sick of bars, too. I mean, who meets a quality boyfriend at a bar anyway, right?

Well, Wal-Mart wants you to consider using their store on Friday nights as a dating hotspot. I am not kidding. (Read the article here on CNNMoney.)

Dating nights at Wal-Mart have debuted in Germany. On Friday nights as many as 400 singles come into Wal-Mart and attach bright red bows to their shopping carts which indicate that they're single and ready to flirt and mingle. Then the patrons wheel their carts around the store, hunt through the bargains, and look for The One.

I think the whole idea of hooking up at Wal-Mart kinda scares me.

So, do you know anybody who has hooked up at a Wal-Mart? Or have you? And what state are you from, exactly?

Celebrity Redeems & Politician Steams

2005-04-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight at The Restaurant (that hot, hip one downtown where I work) Ms. Celebrity came in again with a few of her friends. I mentioned in a previous post that Ms. Celebrity has been in the local spotlight for a few decades and that she's had some work done and that she just loves wine--and perhaps sometimes more than she should.

But tonight Ms. Celebrity may have redeemed herself. Last time at The Restaurant she behaved like a fussy cat (some might say "angry pussy," but I digress). This time, however, she was much better behaved. She came in with a straight male friend and an adorable, well-mannered, well-dressed fifty-something gay couple. Ms. Celebrity even said a few polite things to me through the night. Sure she was sucking down white wine like usual, but she didn't get blitzed and she tipped well. All of this bodes well for her reputation on the Minneapolis restaurant circuit.

But while Ms. Celebrity may have been well behaved, a high profile female Minnesota politician was not. Ms. Politician came in rushed and fussy and armed with a sharp tongue. When Ms. Politician was told she would have to wait an hour for a table (which is very reasonable considering our restaurant's popularity) she started yelling at the host, furious she couldn't get a table right away. The host stood his ground; Ms. Politician left in a huff.

It's never a dull night at The Restaurant.

Chasing the Big Interview

2005-04-07T14:00:00.001-07:00

Trying to land an interview with Matthew Shepard's mother, Judy Shepard, is no easy feat. At this point I've talked to her press reps based in Wyoming and with Keppler Associates in Arlington, Virginia, where she has an agent who books her speaking engagements.

Judy Shepard is going to be on the University of Minnesota campus Friday, April 15, and I'm trying to nail down an interview with her before she arrives on campus.

Dealing with press reps and agents requires thick skin. It also involves many, many phone calls, guard dog receptionists, multiple e-mail campaigns, and patience and persistance in spades.

But if this interview goes through I might just have the interview that could put me on the writing radar.

Stay tuned, fair readers. If I land the interview you'll be the first to know, and you'll be first to read the exclusive interview. :)

Josh & Josh Are Moving to Manhattan!

2005-04-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

Josh & Josh are moving to Manhattan in September 2005!

After graduation on May 15 we're going to stay in Minneapolis, rack up cash at our jobs, finish up some last business, and then at the end of August we're going to pack up a U-Haul and head east.

Josh H. is making plans to work for a national magazine in New York. Josh K. is making plans to edge his way into film, graphic design, advertising, and/or marketing.

In fewer than five months we'll be living in New York City on the Upper East Side in a great apartment with our friend, David. Josh H. is a writer, Josh K. is a filmmaker, and David is an actor. Somehow I think this could all work out rather well.

We're really doing it, everybody!

Wish us luck! We'll be packing our bags before we know it.

Honeymoon in Paris

2005-04-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

I took this picture of my parents standing in front of the Eiffel Tower last January and it truly is one of my favorite pictures of them.

Their plane just took off from the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, headed for Paris where they will spend the next ten days toodling around the city and lounging in the cute little apartment they rented near the Louvre.

I'm a little jealous that they get to spend all that time in Paris (have I mentioned that I'm madly in love with the city almost as much as New York?) but I'm excited for them, too. Maybe they'll make a little baby brother or sister for me while they're on the trip. You never know....

I Vanna Hump Jim Verraros

2005-04-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

Jim Verraros, the openly gay American Idol contestant from the first season, dropped out of sight for a few years. He recently emerged from the ether of minor celebrity status and it seems that he's had quite the makeover in the mean time. (He used to have short blond hair, big glasses, and awkward clothing.)

I think I sort of want to hump him. I feel really embarrassed about saying that about an ex-American Idol finalist.

Jim's new album comes out later this month and it actually doesn't sound completely horrible. Check out Jim's pictures and listen to tracks from his new CD on his official web site.

What do you think? Is Jimmy Boy hot or not?

Goin' to the Chapel

2005-04-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the dish: my parents got married this weekend and it was ridiculously great. I would try and explain how great it really was but it would involve an inappropriate number of hyperboles. There were no drunken uncles, no "oooh, she got fat!" moments, no petty fights--nothing like that. Everybody was gracious and relaxed and kind and fabulous. (See what I mean about the hyperboles? But they're true!)

We had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Friday and then the ceremony late Saturday afternoon. Afterward we had the reception dinner and dance at this gorgeous mansion near the Minneapolis Institute of the Arts (pictured above) and everything was again--and I'm sorry to say this--pretty much fucking perfect. I'm happy for them, though, because they deserve that.

We capped everything off this morning with a huge catered brunch my parents' house where we all got to mingle and hang out and enjoy the post-wedding glow. (Oh God, doesn't this sound like something out of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" or something? I wish I had some dirty gossip to spill or something, but they just didn't give me any good material for any quality gossip swapping. I mean, I guess I could report that my unwed aunt is pregnant--quelle scandale!--but she's been with her man for eleven years now, qualifying as a common law married couple under Minnesota state law, so I guess that isn't much of a quality scandal. So much for the gossip.)

My mama got married, y'all, and the girl did it with grace, poise, and style. (Okay, did we talk about the hyperboles already? No, but seriously though...)

Stop Me If You've Heard This One

2005-04-02T12:30:00.000-08:00

A guy walks in to Burrito Loco and orders himself a buffalo chicken burrito with extra buffalo sauce. He does this knowing that most spicy foods, like the buffalo sauce, upset his stomach so much that, to avoid any accidents, he might be better off eating them in the bathroom where he would be in close proximity to a toilet. With that said, he decides to order the sauce anyway because it tastes so good.

Like clockwork, five minutes after devouring the burrito his stomach respectfully sends him a half dozen warning shots, reminding him that, if a bathroom is not found immediately, his ass will explode in one big, mean cloud of shit. Luckily, the bathroom is nearby.

He heads to the counter where he sees the theft-proof bathroom key attached to a large metal spoon. Minutes later he's finishing up business, proud of the work he's accomplished, and begins closing up shop. As he's pulling up his underwear, though, he experiences a minor aftershock that, on the Richter Scale, would measure so low that sounding an alarm would be akin to crying wolf. He decides that it's flatulence and he lets it pass.

It quickly becomes apparent that there are serious communication issues between his stomach and him. So, while riding home in his friend's car, sitting cautiously on his thigh in the passenger seat with toilet paper stuffed tightly between his ass cheeks while recounting the mess to the co-owner of his blog by cell phone hoping he'll approve it for publication (Guy: "This is blog worthy. Is this blog worthy?" Co-Owner: "As long as you post it under your name it's fucking great." Guy: "Thank god."), he remembers a poem he once read that was written in permanent marker on a stall door in a public restroom:

Here I sit,
broken hearted;
I had to shit,
but only farted.

An hour later,
I took a chance
and tried to fart,
but shit my pants.

Escape to Manhattan: Five (The Finale)

2005-04-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

My plane touched down in Minneapolis late Sunday night. That afternoon I’d had one last lunch with Christian in Central Park and we’d spent the day lazily reading The New York Times and walking through the city, eating hot dogs from street vendors and snapping pictures on my disposable camera.

Seeing Minneapolis unfold below me from the airplane window felt comforting. Sure, the gnawing reality of college and my ordinary responsibilities started to creep back, but somehow they didn’t feel debilitating like they had before. Now it seemed manageable, like something to be endured and finished up.

I made my way through the Minneapolis airport, collected my bags from the luggage carousel, and walked out onto the street. My best friend, Dylan, waited curbside in his black Saturn with his hazard lights flashing. When he saw me he started honking and waving. He got out of the front seat and rushed around the side of the car to hug me.

“So, how was it?” Dylan asked. He popped the trunk and helped me toss my things into the back of his car.

I sighed and smiled. “Dylan, it was amazing.”

“I want you to tell me everything about it. Don’t leave a goddamn thing out,” he said.

We got into the car, buckled up, and sped onto the highway. As we merged onto I-494 heading home I told him everything I could think of as we zoomed back into the city.

At last I was home. But I knew it wouldn’t be for long....

Click here to continue reading "Escape to Manhattan: Five."

If you haven't read any of this series, click here to read "Escape to Manhattan: One" and join in on the fun.

Middle-Aged Women Love Me

2005-03-31T20:45:00.001-08:00

Tonight at The Restaurant (the hip, hot one downtown where I work) I was helping out with a table of three middle-aged women who were well-coiffed and well-dressed, each with their own brand name handbags, each sucking down ice water like crazy. Throughout the evening I kept coming back to make sure they had enough water and each time they thanked me profusely for the water and made polite chatter with me. I thought nothing of it and chatted back and then went about my night.

Later they told me that they'd come in before and that they remembered me. I thought that was sweet but I didn't really think much of it at the time.

At the end of the night I poured them another glass of water and one of the women stopped me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me closer. "I just want to say that you've been so wonderful tonight and I really appreciate everything you've done for us. You're the best." She pushed a five dollar bill in my palm and folded my fingers around the money.

A minute later when I walked by the table another of the ladies smiled and flagged me down and pressed another wad of bills in my hands. "Really," she said, "you've been just great."

And these ladies weren't just being nice. I mean, of course they were being nice, but I think they were being too nice. I started to wonder if there was a reason they were drinking their water so fast. They knew I'd come back and fill their glasses. So was their exorbitant hydration all a ruse to get me to come back to their table for another look-see?

Oh my God, middle-aged women want to bear my children. I wonder what that's all about.

Clueless Girls, Smoking Professors, and the First Spring Thunderstorm

2005-03-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

(1) Today a girl sent me a Friendster message and was totally macking on me. I'm thinking she didn't read my profile and catch that whole part about me being a homo. Or maybe she did and she's just kinky like that.

(2) Today I learned that the place to network with your professors is in the smoking pit. I'm not a smoker, but when I happened to walk out one of the side doors of the School of Journalism I found two of my (well-connected) professors talking with each other and puffing away. They started chumming around with me like I was a junior professor or something, addressing me by my first name and tossing around job connection possibilities like there was no tomorrow. Who knew that the smoking pit was the secret to success?

(3) It rained today in Minneapolis and it was gorgeous. While I was walking to class I listened to Ben Harper on my iPod and the sounds of the rumbling, rolling thunder and the ocassional flashes of lighting, accompanied by the rain slapping against my umbrella, made me unspeakably happy. There's something about the first thunderstorm of spring that absolutely does it for me. And the smell in the air after the first spring rain? Oh God, it was so good that I wanted to get it on with the nearest pedestrian. Social decency stopped me, but only just barely.

My Mom is Getting Married!

2005-03-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

This weekend my mom is tying the knot with the man she's been in love with and dating since 1999.

This picture was taken at the top of Ben Nevis, a mountain in Scotland which is the tallest mountain in the United Kingdom. The three of us took this trip to the U.K. in 2001, the day after I graduated from high school. Hiking Ben Nevis, which takes most of a day, was a proud accomplishment for all of us.

There's nobody happier to see them get married than me. I'm lucky to have a step dad who is really, really cool and cares about me like a father would care about his son.

To my parents, ladies and gentlemen. May they have a long, happy life together.

Jessica Joins the Proactiv Team

2005-03-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

Joining an illustrious list of career-stalled celebrities, Jessica Simpson has now signed on to be a spokesperson for Proactiv Solution, an acne treatment sold on infomercials and in Walgreens.

If you've ever stayed up late at night you may have seen Judith Light (from 1980s sitcom "Who's the Boss?") hosting a Proactiv Solution infomercial marathon, or more recently you may have seen Vanessa Williams workin' the bottles on late night.

No word yet if Jessica will get her own blurry-lens, gently lit infomercial.

If you have Hotmail you'll see Jessica's plug for Proactiv playing at e-mail inbox near you.

"I just had so much build up and so many clogged pores that once I started using Proactiv Solution, my face was just shining," Jessica says on the Proactiv web site. "When your confidence is fixed, everything else shines. I'm passionate about Proactiv because it worked for me and it gave me so much confidence. I'm a very confident woman because I love my skin." (Do you think she could use the word "confident" more in the space of three sentences?)

The best of luck to you, Jessie. And may your new campaign not foretell your career going in the direction of Ms. Judith Light and Vanessa L. Williams, 'cause those bitches is just plain outta work. Gotta make those coins, girrrl.

Spring Cleaning

2005-03-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

Spring is finally here, faithful readers, and, as I've done every spring, I eagerly cut off my shaggy hair and got a new goddamned job! To mark the occasion, here is a picture of me walking to my new job at the Walker Art Center with my new haircut!

I can already tell that you love my new haircut so much that you're thinking about visiting me at the Walker Art Center just to see it. But you'll have to wait until April 17th because the Walker isn't reopening until then. I'm so pumped! The new space is absolutely breathtaking, and the Wolfgang Puck-run restaurant named 20.21 will be so cool. Also, mega-superstar hottie artist and filmmaker Matthew Barney of Cremaster fame was in the building tonight working something out for the opening gala on the 17th, so I'm excited to see what it is. Please come!

Egads! A Gay Kiss!

2005-03-27T23:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, please don't disown me. I have a confession to make.

I definitely did rent the first season of "The O.C." via Netflix. And, yes, it is bullshit pop culture like everybody says, but it's also shockingly addicting. Like heroin, it gets you the first fucking time. It's like trying to eat one Pringle chip. You can't! You have to have two. And then three. And then you fucking watch the whole disc in one evening. It's very disturbing.

I'm only confessing this to you, however, because I wanted to share with you the screenshot of these two hot guys in suits makin' out. (The guy on the right plays the part of Luke's father who gets outed in the episode.)

The kiss lasts a full seven seconds of screen time, which is forever in TV world.

Why haven't shows like "Will & Grace" that have been on air for years not been brave enough to show a kiss like this when a bullshit nighttime soap opera like "The O.C." that plays on FOX is willing to do it?

Anyway, enjoy the kiss. And maybe check out "The O.C." when nobody you know is looking and you can sneak it into your place. It'll be like that stash of Oreos that nobody knows you have and you greedily eat when you watch infomercials at 3 a.m. in your boxers.

Escape to Manhattan: Four

2005-03-26T13:00:00.000-08:00

After Braden left the apartment Christian told me that he was going to Todd’s for the evening. It took all of us quite a while to calm down after Braden had shown up out of nowhere and started a fight with Nick, but once we’d calmed down a bit Christian and Todd left the apartment looking happy and holding hands.

I felt bad for Nick because it was my fault the whole fight had happened in the first place. What was I doing wandering around the city with a strange guy and stealing kisses under the neon lights of Times Square?

“I feel really bad about what happened,” Nick said, his hands in his pockets. He shuffled his feet. “I didn’t mean to hit him that hard. It’s just that, you know, I saw him push you and I saw your head slam into the wall and I just—I guess I got protective. I don’t know. I swear that it’s not normal for me or anything like that. I don’t go around starting fights.”

I held the ice pack to my head. My head was throbbing, even after the four Excedrin. The bottle had said to take two and I figured it was going to take twice that much to take care of the headache.

“I don’t want you to think that Braden is really that kind of guy, either,” I told Nick. “I think he was just probably really stressed out after taking a red eye to get here to see me and he’s been paranoid about Christian anyway because Christian and I were boyfriends ages ago.” I shook my head. “And I was really shitty to Braden the other day on the phone. He was really paranoid about Christian and for whatever reason it just rubbed me the wrong way and I just kind of chewed him out on the phone. Then I topped that all off by walking through the door of the apartment holding your hand after he came all the way to see me when I didn’t call him after what happened to me—I mean, I can start to understand why he did what he did tonight.”

Nick leaned up against the countertop. “Do you love him?”

I looked out the window. “You know, I don’t know.” I sighed. “I really don’t know right now."

Click here to continue reading "Escape to Manhattan: Four."

If you haven't read any of this series, click here to read "Escape to Manhattan: One" and join in on the fun.

Josh & Josh Invade Ikea

2005-03-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Josh and I hopped the light rail and hit Ikea to start planning what we're going to do with our new apartment. (We're moving to our hot new place on September 1st. More details to follow soon...)

Josh and I nearly shit ourselves as we browsed some of the model rooms. We picked out some of the actual pieces we want in our new place. Our bedrooms are going to rock your faces off.

Josh and I are in love with Ikea. There's no way around it.

We started getting really cozy in some of the model rooms, especially the kitchens. The picture below is of Josh and I settled into a model dining room and partying it up like we're rich and famous bitches.

He Never Copped a Feel

2005-03-24T01:30:00.000-08:00

Listen up, Ladies and Gentlemen: Michael Jackson takes the stand in his own defense.

Is That Really Neccessary?

2005-03-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I'm up really late and I hear the neighborhood hoodlums firing their sawed-off rifles, like, really close by, I love to unpack my own weaponry and join in on the fun. Tonight, though, I didn't quite feel up to it and, for that, I'd like to publicly apologize.

Maybe next time?

Also, I do believe the transient who loudly coughs on the front stoop of my apartment building late at night can meet my faggoty ass in hell, where I hope we'll both enjoy a stiff drink together and laugh about the times when he annoyed the shit out of me while I attempted to enjoy some online porn.

*UPDATE*
Transient who loudly coughs is inside the building. This I know for sure. Yes, yes indeed: the coughing has moved, my good online friends. But I'm not worried. This happened last night, too, and I awoke this morning without a bleeding anus; I should be okay tonight, too.

I Think I'm Having My Man Period

2005-03-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I started having ravenous cravings for chocolate. After I snarfed down a Krunch bar I was still jonesing for some more chocolate so I got a chocolate croissant at Caribou Coffee.

Then, just as the chocolate craving ended, I had a huge craving for some French fries. I snarfed down a (small) plate of those and then, at last, I felt my cravings calm down.

Either I am (a) pregnant or (b) having my man period. Something is going on here. I never have these cravings. I have no idea what this is all about.

Suggestions?

Behind the Scenes Tour of Gay Mecca

2005-03-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I took a private, behind-the-scenes tour of the Aveda headquarters nestled in the green hills of Blaine, Minnesota. The two-hour tour was led by a 15-year Aveda veteran who got me and three friends in for a secret sneak peek into the goings on at Aveda.

We toured the laboratories where all the scents for Aveda are made and stored for worldwide distribution. We went on the production floor and saw hundreds of bottles of shampoo, hair product, and makeup being produced. We toured the business and marketing offices and saw all the cogs that make the great machine of Aveda hum and thrum like the profitable, environmentally reponsible, fabulous company that they really are.

Josh & Josh Take a Road Trip

2005-03-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

Josh K. knitting away whilst on our fabulous road trip. Josh H. took this picture while drivin'.

Josh and I took our first road trip together today. My little nine-year-old sister is on spring break and so we took her half way to Madison, Wisconsin, where we met up with my grandparents to exchange my little sister and eat smutty snacks at McDonald's in super classy Osseo, Wisconsin.

My little sister made the musical selections for the first 125 miles and thus we listened to the "Moulin Rouge" soundtrack (which she knows backward and forward) and Britney Spears' second album "Oops...I Did It Again." Josh and I pretended like we were just going along with the whole musical scheme, but damn it if we didn't lip synch right along (just like Britney does!)

Thumbs up to road trips with the Joshes.

We're going to be taking another huge one this September...

When Physics Goes To Hell

2005-03-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed).

Here's what this student wrote:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven and thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

Lil Kim Faces Separation Anxiety

2005-03-21T14:00:00.001-08:00

You guys, I have to confess that I'm a little worried for Lil Kim. I mean, I hear she's facing five years for her involvement in covering up information about a shooting that that involved her posse outside a radio station.

(What is it with these celebrities lying to cover shit up, by the way? Even presidents like to do it. If Bill, Martha, and Lil Kim would have just 'fessed up right away they'd have been in half the mess.)

But more than anything else, I'm worried about the separation Lil Kim may feel while she's away from her plastic surgeon. I mean, my contacts in Los Angeles tell me that those bitches are way close, especially considering all the time that Lil Kim spends in her plastic surgeon's office. I mean, Lil Kim has been named Customer of the Month at least twice.

Tell your prayer circles to keep Lil Kim in their thoughts. Prison ain't easy in the first place (can you imagine Lil Kim being some huge, fat woman's bitch in prison?) but when you feel the additional pain of being separated from your surgeon, things can get rough.

Yo mama was right. Lyin' don't pay.

When the Shark Bites

2005-03-20T20:00:00.000-08:00

You know a made-for-tv movie is bad when a puca-shell-wearing muscle-bound Abercrombie model look-alike laughably delivers this line: "I can't believe you slipped a roofie in my girlfriend's drink!"

I'm speaking of CBS' "Spring Break: Shark Attack," which seems to count among its crew those unfortunate actors who did not make the cut for "The O.C." and, incidentally, one who did. This story, unlike "The O.C.," takes place in Florida, where, as one character warns, a man-made reef meant to attract snorkeling tourists will instead be an inviting home for hundreds of blood-hungry sharks.

But not a single goddamned person believes him until the sharks show up at a crowded beach and start eating drunk teenagers.

The best part of the movie comes after one idiot, in a moment of clarity, bottom-lines it for the rest of the cast and says: "We gotta lure 'em out to sea." So he, his girlfriend (the same one who was slipped a roofie), and the shark expert get in a motorboat and trail behind it a huge cage filled with bloody masses (I'm going to pass on the abortion joke tonight, but please feel free to add your own embellishments as the opportunities present themselves) that do indeed lure the sharks back out to sea. But, as luck would have it, something on the boat breaks and the only way to fix it is to go in the shark-infested water.

The scene: Hot boyfriend has been shot in the arm with a harpoon. By an angry shark. Or, he shot himself. Whatever. Either way, his bloody wound kept him from being the likely candidate for fixing the boat. So they send the girl in. They send the girl with a bloody wound comparable to Hot Boyfriend's in. I kept thinking "You're sending your girlfriend in the shark-infested water? Your girlfriend who could be on the rag and have a personal furry area that's bloodier than your goddamned shoulder?! What? Why don't you sacrifice the ugly shark expert?"

Unbelievable.

I didn't see the whole movie, so I probably shouldn't make any judgements based on the fifteen minutes I did see, but I'm pretty sure the previous 85 minutes were complete shit, too.

Escape to Manhattan: Three

2005-03-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

I was really embarrassed on the ambulance ride to Mount Sinai Medical Center. I’d tried to explain that I was actually okay to the two Port Authority officers and the police officer that had been standing over me but they would hear nothing of it.

“You might have a concussion,” the police officer had said, pointing to the lump forming at the back of my head. And come to think of it, it was kind of painful. But I still wasn’t sure that the whole ambulance treatment, complete with flashing lights and roaring siren, was completely necessary.

Mount Sinai on Friday night is every bit the mess you would imagine it to be. I felt like I was stepping into a taping of “ER.” A red-haired woman with a sharp Brooklyn accent took my insurance information and immediately I started worrying what my mom would think when they contacted her and told her that I’d been brought in for treatment after a good old fashioned New York mugging.

Oh God. How cliché. A mugging? In New York? In a subway tunnel? I was bored to tears just thinking about it. More than anything I just wanted to get out of the hospital and enjoy the rest of my vacation. I also wanted my iPod, watch, and sixty bucks in cash back, but the officer who had insisted I go to the hospital had informed me that there was almost no chance of getting my stuff back.

I sighed. As I laid on a examination table with a heavy metal bib on my chest while they took x-rays of my skull I thought, ‘Well, welcome to New York.’

Click here to continue reading "Escape to Manhattan: Three."

If you haven't read any of this series, click here to read "Escape to Manhattan: One" and join in on the fun.

Holy Shit, Y'all, I'm Almost Done!

2005-03-19T15:30:00.000-08:00

Look! Only two credits left!

Holy shit!

Good news, right? Right. But before they fill my sweaty little hands with my hard-earned diploma (a B.A. in art--could it be any more useless?), I have to do some fancy schmancy footwork to get some credits transferred from a previous college in order to fulfill some "Liberal Arts" requirements. In other words, if these credits don't transfer, they'll let me walk in May but I'll be taking summer classes up the wazoo in order to officially "graduate." It's useless hoop-jumping, if you ask me. Oy.

But: Holy shit! I'm almost done!

Celebrity Sightings at The Restaurant

2005-03-18T09:30:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, I got a job at a place we'll call The Restaurant, a hot new establishment in downtown Minneapolis. The Restaurant made the cover of a local magazine and got a great review in the big local paper. It's a great restaurant and I think everybody who works there is really proud of it.

Part of the territory with hot new places like The Restaurant includes local celebrities coming in to scope the place out.

Last night Ms. Celebrity, a local woman who's been in the spotlight for a few decades, came into The Restaurant with her significant other. She ordered a table for six, but only two sat for more than a half hour. They ordered food and started eating before the other four guests arrived, normally considered a major faux pas.

Ms. Celebrity, who is now in her fifties, looks like she may have had a thing or two "done." I felt a bit sorry for the poor woman because things did look a bit, uhm, stretched.

Ms. Celebrity finished her drinks faster than the server could get them to the table. In fact, when the drinks didn't come fast enough, she called the owner of The Restaurant over to see why the alcohol was taking so long.

Hmmm.

It's so interesting to see celebrities, even the smaller ones, out of the context that you think that you know them, and to really see that they're people like you and me, even though they may have an additional propensity for plastic surgery and a liver that's begging for a little something more.

Happy Belated St. Patrick's Day!

2005-03-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Watch and enjoy this insanely cool animation, ya'll, with your computer plugged in to some ghetto bass-blasting sub woofers.

Also, as an added Friday treat, I'm reposting the hilarious Oprah's Favorite Things and the bitchy but surprisingly insightful Madge as she auditions for GayTV.

Perhaps the Party Isn't Over...

2005-03-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

After United Nations-style negotiations, we have decided to consider extending the run of our blog.

The third installment of the "Escape to Manhattan" series will be released Saturday, March 19, 2005.

Do not despair, fair gentlemen. There is always more of the Josh & Josh fabulousness to go around.

P.S. Four comments in the space of ten hours is a record for our site. Really, we didn't even know if anybody was reading. At one point we thought we were just doing it to amuse ourselves. Isn't that hilarious/embarrassing/brave/weird/
interesting?

Not So Fast, Goddamned It!

2005-03-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

AH!

All of it sounds so final, Josh H.! That's so sad!

Let's reconsider. Call me.

-Josh K.

p.s. Jesus, guys, I had no idea you all stopped by so goddamned often.

Josh and Josh Take a Sabbatical

2005-03-16T13:00:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, the sad time has come to announce that Josh and Josh are taking a sabbatical. This blog is thus on hiatus until further notice.

We want to thank all of our sweet readers for the comments and e-mails we've received. We've had a great time and, rest assured, someday we'll probably be back with another cracked out blog.

In the mean time, enjoy our previous fifty posts and let us know if there's one you especially loved.

Cheers, mates! To being Rich & Famous!

--Josh and Josh

Escape to Manhattan: Two

2005-03-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

When I woke up Friday morning in Christian’s Manhattan apartment I smiled and then closed my eyes again. I rolled around on the futon where I’d slept and fought the urge to start giggling. I was thousands of miles away from college and all of my homework and responsibilities and I had an entire unscheduled day ahead of me.

I heard the shower going and Christian singing an old Broadway show tune over the sound of rushing water. I got out of bed and folded up the futon. A few minutes later Christian emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Morning baby,” Christian said. “Why don’t you hit the shower and then we’ll go grab some breakfast?”

“Okay,” I said. “But you know, I’d be fine if we ate breakfast here. We don’t have to go out just because I’m here or anything.”

Christian laughed. “Follow me for a minute,” he said, walking toward the kitchen and motioning for me to follow. He stopped in front of the refrigerator, his chest still beaded with moisture from the shower, and grabbed the handle. “Take a peek in here,” he said, opening the door.

I looked inside and squinted. The bulb was burned out, but I could see that the fridge contained two bottles of Pellegrino water, half of a red cabbage, and a jar of Miracle Whip.

“New Yorkers don’t use their fridges,” Christian said with a grin. “We eat out.”

I grinned and eyed the contents of the fridge. “Okay then,” I said. “Let’s go out for breakfast.”

It was the beginning of a day that would end in a way I would never have imagined.

Click here to continue reading "Escape to Manhattan:Two."

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Phillip the Fabulous Takes on the World

2005-03-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

My friend Phil is out traveling the world. Literally.

When Phil was twelve or thirteen he started saving money and sat on his growing nest egg for almost a decade. When he graduated from college he decided to take his stash of cash and travel the world for a few months.

Some people say “travel the world” and they mean that they’re going to see Western Europe and maybe even adventure into South America a bit before heading home. Phil, however, wants to try and hit at least six of the seven continents and really experience the places he’s visiting and exploring.

Phil is traveling through New Zealand and right now. (He already finished Australia.) At night he sleeps in a tent and during the day he hikes around and takes amazing pictures like the one above with Phil looking out at Mt. Cook. (It may look familiar as part of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy was filmed there.)

I love Phil. I do. But at the same time the whole thing is kind of driving me nuts. I’m sitting here in Minneapolis, just weeks from graduation and without a clear sense of what’s next, and I'm thinking, “Oh my God, Phil is out there seeing the world. He’s really doing it! People really do this!”

And then I gulp and think, “Well, what am I doing?”

How many people talk about doing the kind of thing Phil is doing and then never do it?

I want to think that someday I’ll be doing something equally as fabulous, but it’s hard to hold on to that as if the fledgling idea that someday I may do something fabulous should pacify me.

But really, Phil, I love you. And you really are fabulous.

Do You Want to Talk to Her, Or Should I?

2005-03-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, somebody has got to talk to Kelly Osborne immediately. Uhm, could that 1960s hair get any bigger? Could she hike the boobs higher? Could she be wearing a tighter corset? Poor thing looks like a washed up drag queen. Maybe it's just because it's midterm exam time and I'm feeling a little punchy, but I just have to say that this girl... I mean, what's going on? Do you want to talk to her or should I?

And I know Paris Hilton has never really been very good at picking men (Rick Solomon from her sex tape had a big dong but lacked a lot in the face/brains department) but her new guy looks kind of heinous. And his name--I'm not kidding--is also Paris. Hmmm. I sort of wish that maybe she'd get lost like her cell phone and then not reappear. Sort of.

All I have to say about this is that some women were not meant to be skinny. I think Star Jones looks fucking scary as hell after her weight loss. Her head still looks gigantic but now she has this tiny neck and I'm afraid her head is going to go rolling of that neck and shoulders and land somewhere, still hogging the red carpet and thanking Payless Shoes for helping her pay for her wedding to that Al guy. I think Bridezilla should put a few back on, honestly. Don't you?

They Call it the "Quarter-Life Crisis"

2005-03-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, you realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you think you love someone but can never be too sure, and don't know what to say because you don't want to mess up something potentially good.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and ridiculous. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot looks pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself. And while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Josh K. sent this to me today via e-mail. He got it from an old friend who thought he'd appreciate it. He did. And I did, too.